Darkness will never win

There it was, a glimpse of her future. After the tumultuous storm ravaged through her soul, leaving her destitute and lost, she was found questioning- Why me?

Had she only known that after the storm she would witness the most beautiful sunrise her she had ever laid eyes on. She fought with every last drop of fight that she had in her, but on some days she lost the battle. This was not due to her lack of effort, but simply her failing vision. She had a dream for herself, on the days that darkness seemed to encapsulate her she would focus relentlessly on the vision of what she knew her life would be like. But the waves came and thrust themselves without caution, crashing wave after crashing wave and each time she managed to surface above the water and gasp for air, she was just sucked back down. Who was she? What did she like? What was that one thing that just made her come alive? She was so broken down that she couldn’t even focus her attention on anything other than operating in survival mode.

As she lay on the shore, her clothes torn to pieces and her body being exhausted after a battle that she felt she wasn’t prepared for, a feint bit of light came piercing through the cracks in her wounds. What was that? That warmth that she used to know? How could she not have felt the sunlight for such a long time?

After being lost at sea, often losing her focus and succumbing to the pressures around her, it dawned on her that her sun was rising again. The horizon stretched before her in all it’s vastness and opened her eyes. She was awake again. Alive.

Darkness will never win, as long as light shines.

She was chosen for this storm. She had the weapons to fight it and from the beginning victory was assured, even though she never realised it.

And her future shined so bright.

Explorer

Upon chatting to my friend that is a qualified chartered accountant, I asked him whether he feels as though he knows everything now. I thought I’d share his poignant and unexpected response to me;

“It’s like you were always exploring the world,

and you come to a point where you’ve explored most of it.

And you look in every corner and feel content that there is nothing left unseen.

And then, the realisation comes that there are other worlds. ”

                                                     – Zaheer Hoosain

That struck a chord with me, so as I continue to explore my world where many corners have not been discovered yet, I hope that you’ll be relentlessly curious in discovering yours and those that exist beyond it.

God bless

The 4561st episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

For those of you that know me, you know that Oprah is one of my many rolemodels. She has taught me not to apologise for wanting to be an independent woman. She’s taught me that it is okay to live your life not wanting to rely on a man, and that this way of life is possible. She has instilled within me the importance of education and that it is probably the most powerful tool with which to empower yourself, change your life and have a positive impact on the world. She taught me freedom of expression and ideas, which is sometimes frowned upon when growing up in a conservative home. She has taught me that it is okay to have huge dreams, to value yourself highly and to be in touch with who you are. But I do believe the most powerful thing she’s said was, “The biggest adventure you can take on is to live the life of your dreams.”

So it comes as no surprise that during her final show, I spent the hour balling my eyes out. She’s been a part of my childhood, played a valuable role in my teenage years and an extremely vital role, now, in my early twenties. Jada Pinkett Smith put it nicely by saying that , ”Oprah maynot have had children, but she’s mothered millions.”

I’d like to focus this blog post on what I believe were the most poignant quotes from her final show.

”I’m truly amazed that I, who started out in rural Mississippi in 1954, when the vision for a black girl was limited to being either a maid or a teacher in a segregated school, could end up here. It is no coincidence that a lonely little girl who felt not a lot of love, even though my parents and grandparents did the best they could — it is no coincidence that I grew up to feel genuine kindness, affection, validation and trust from millions of you all over the world.”

When talking about God and remarking that people ask her which God she’s referring to, she nicely says, “I’m talking about the same one you’re talking about. The Alpha and Omega. The Omniscience, the Omnipresent, the Ultimate Consciousness, the Source, the Force, the All of Everything There Is, the one and only G-O-D.”

 After 4,561 episodes she is so right in saying that, “There are no words to match this moment.”

“Don’t wait for someone else to complete you. ‘Jerry Maguire’ was just a movie.”

“What are the whispers that are in your life right now? And will you hear it? Your life is speaking to you right now. What is it saying?”

“There’s a difference between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of being happy. Your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough.”

“You also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world.”

“Nobody but you is responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life.”

“I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common. They all wanted validation. They want to know, do you hear me? Do you see me? Does what I say mean anything to you?”

“This is what I was called to do. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to find it.”

She couldn’t have ended the show better,  ”I won’t say goodbye. I’ll just say, until we meet again. To God be the glory.”

But what stood out most for me and what also made her tear up was this, “ From you whose names I will never know, I learned what love is. You and this show have been the great love of my life.”

I know that Miss Winfrey won’t be reading this, but I want to thank her. Thank her not just for what she’s meant to me, but to all women. She’s helped us become liberated. She’s helped to talk about issues that would usually just be swept under the carpet. She has made us realise the beauty in our dreams and helped in giving us the determination to pursue them. All in all, she has cheered us on to live our best lives. 

Now it’s time for me to deal with the fact that 5.30 p.m every week day will never be the same again, and hope that there’ll be a 25 season boxset soon!

I have no right to complain.

Friday,  6am. I’m upset because I have to wake up while it’s dark and rainy. My inner voice and I have an argument for about ten minutes. She wanted my warm duvet to hold me hostage for another hour and miss the test I’m scheduled to write at 8am. Driving with my friend to campus and talking about how sleepy I am and how I’m in no mood to write, I am immediately silenced by the people I see walking past us on their way to work. It’s raining. It’s cold. It’s dark, and they have to walk to work while we drive past them moaning over some luxuries that they don’t even have. And I ask myself, who am I to complain?

We end up in traffic and it looks as though I may miss my 8am class. I become irate because that means I could’ve slept an hour later. The car next to us gets knocked from behind. That could have so easily been us, and here I am, still complaining.

We get to Stellenbosch, there are students and cars everywhere and all I can think of is the quickest route to get to where I need to be. My friend stops at the pedestrian crossing and the guy that’s crossing the road politely raises his hand and nods his head to thank us for stopping. My friend remarks on how refreshing it is to see that people in this lovely town still have manners. Seriously, why am I still finding a reason to complain?

I write my test at 9am and it goes so well that all my stressing and talking about how I don’t feel like writing, immediately becomes irrelevant.

I had left my car at my other friend’s house in Kuilsriver and decided to go home with her after class. The problem was that she was only going home at 3pm, and waiting for 5 hours on a Friday would have felt like an eternity. The two of us decide to do something we’ve never done before. Take a train home.

We’re visibly clueless but decided to act as though we take the train home everyday. As for being easy targets, we realised that if we look angry then people wouldn’t bother us. There were two things that I couldn’t believe; that the train fare was only R5.50 and that we had to wait an hour for the next train.

Sitting on the station trying to suss out who would be the most trustworthy person to ask which train we should actually take, we meet a boy from Macassar named Kyle. Besides his helpfulness, I was struck by his lifestory. He told us how his brother wanted to kill the both of them last year by intentionally rolling the bakkie he was driving, because he couldn’t get over his girlfriend dumping him. The story of Kyle’s failed relationship was a sad one too. He had baked his girlfriend a cake on his Birthday and took it to her house. She broke up with him on that day for no reason. He said he wants to get a job on the cruiseliners and get himself a white girl and then come back to South Africa with her so that his ex girlfriend can feel terrible. I didn’t know what was more sad, that his ex girlfriend makes him want to leave his current life or that he thinks dating a white girl would solve his problems.

Our train eventually arrives and we step into a reality shock. We had no place to sit. We held onto a pole and observed everything around us. The commuters must have thought we were tourists; me with my Chanel handbag and my friend trying to hide her Blackberry as well as she could. Teenage boys were hanging out the doors of the train while the tattooed comedian of third class travel keeps them entertained by his story of how he had an accident falling out the train once. My complaints were soon becoming a distant memory.

Our next stop sees a bunch of 6-8 year olds board the train in their school uniform. Since the train is so full, these kids don’t even have a pole to hold onto. Instinct tells them to stand in a circle and hold onto each other. And while I’ve come up with a hundred reasons to pity them, I look at them and see how happy they are. I’ve stepped out of my world and into theirs, who would have thought their smiles and beaming eyes would teach me a huge lesson.

We arrive safely in Kuilsriver and although I feel the need to soak myself in disinfectant, I realise how it took an experience like that show me how blessed I actually am.

I get into my car, something that the people I came across earlier that day can only dream of. I drive off as the events of the day replay in my mind. I get home to my family, look at them and if I wasn’t convinced of this fact earlier, I am now… I have absolutely no right to complain.

My name is Candice, and I am not a pessimist.

After watching “My name is Khan” last night, I was absolutely blown away by how the movie managed to stir up so many emotions whilst making one question what we’ve been schooled to think and manage to incorporate two religions without treading on anyone’s toes. It was masterfully done. And while the film involves so much hate and anger, it’s wonderful to see that the overriding theme is love. Love so strong that it defies logic and reason.

And whilst so much happened to the main character ‘Khan’ to make him a bitter person, I simply marvelled at his resilience to not become a victim but to reach the goal he had set out for himself despite the enormous obstacles his path carried.

I was struck by the similarities between his character and that of our beloved Mandela. It just shows the indescribable beauty of the human spirit, that no matter how trecherous the journey is, if you just see your goal through no matter how long it will take or how many incidents try and break you down, you surely will succeed.

It’s so easy to complain.

It’s so easy to be negative.

It’s so easy to give up.

It’s so easy to become jealous and incite hate. But today, I challenge you to take the harder route.

I’m swimming in an ocean of dreams. At times I feel as though someone is pushing my head under water, making it difficult for me to breathe. And as soon as I get a chance to gasp for air, I’m just pushed back under. But instead of letting myself drown, I realise I need to kick harder, fight more and become stronger.

Though the waves will try and crush you, keep on swimming.

Though the storms will try and break you, keep on swimming.

Though the sharks will try and bite you, keep on swimming.

Though the rocks will bruise you, keep on swimming.

If God is for you, then who can be against you? He will surely carry you safely to the shore.

So, instead of mourning how far you have left to go, celebrate how far you’ve come despite the numerous stumbling blocks. If Khan could do it, despite his autism, his fear of loud noises and the colour yellow, If Mandela could do it inspite of his 27 year incarceration, then seriously, why can’t you?

Single AND happy? Huh?!

I am not a cynic. I believe in love. One of God’s greatest commandments and our reason for being here, is to love. I’m in love with 1 Corinthians 13 that gives the perfect description of true love. But what I am not, is somebody that needs a love life in order to feel loved.

 
Singledom is severely underated. It’s one of the most exciting times to discover and explore yourself. Too often ladies lose their identity in a relationship. There is a reason why self-respect, self-image and self-worth begin with ‘self.’
Being single requires a heavy dose of courage and explanation. I have the courage, but I’ve given up explaining. Truth is, people have difficulty grasping that a person can be happy and single. But I have accepted that they don’t understand simply because they can’t understand. In my wonderful world, happiness is not limited to come from a single source. A relationship is not the only key to happiness.
I’m single, but I’m not self-sufficient. I rely heavily on my God. I’m alone, but hardly ever lonely. At times, I am my own best company. I’m clumsy. I fall over things, I fall off things and I even fall up stairs. But one of the greatest coping mechanisms I’ve developed is to laught AT myself constantly. I’m not trying to promote myself as tough. I do cry, but I don’t need a man to wipe my tears. Just the other day I cried when watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother.  I can’t exactly change a tyre, but I can change my mind at any time of the day. I love partying and I love coming home to an empty bed. Most of the time I can’t remember the difference between right and left, I get lost so often, but what an exciting ride singledom is. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m getting to know myself more and more everyday. I love myself. This is  the most fundamental component in allowing others to love you. This will ensure you’ll love yourself too much to lower your standards for anyone.
There are times when I get dressed up and feel like a goddess, and there are times where I question everything about myself. I can’t consult someone else for their opinion, because I am in charge of forming my own identity. You simply cannot expect your partner to make you feel worthy, that is an inside job. And just because there are stiletto’s in my cupboard where baking trays and sauce pans are supposed to be, doesn’t make me any less of a woman. I’m human. I sometimes wonder when I will have a long-term relationship, or whether my Prince has already settled for a less opinionated, less independent and less complex girl. But then I’m reminded that if I am to be with someone, I’d like his life to be complete without me in it. Oprah was right in saying that a relationship consists of two whole individuals. In that case, you’ll be together simply because you really want to be.

 Nicholas Sparks beautifully wrote that that’s the big secret, YOU choose the kind of life you want to live. This is what I’ve chosen.

 For the cynics that think it’s because I hate all men, you’re wrong. Men are one of God’s most priceless creations and I absolutely adore them. For those who think I’m embittered, my heart is overflowing with love. For those who think I’m full of nonsense, I really am. But what I know for certain, is that I am so worth it.
I’m having the time of my life, living enough life for 20 people and did I mention that I love being single? I’ve embraced the relationship that singledom and I share, and frankly I think we’re falling in love. I’m at a wonderful place in my life where I’m pursuing my dreams and letting everything else pursue me.

”Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it” – Confucius

Patience has never been a strong point of mine. So you can only imagine how I feel when stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, especially when my sister has hijacked all my good CD’s.
Since traffic is something that I have no control over, I decided to use the time wisely. I was reminded of the movie ‘August Rush’, where the little boy says that music is everywhere, you’ve just got to hear it.
I’ve never been musically inclined but I tried to tune into the music that traffic brings. It wasn’t a very pleasant song I’d say, and the beat was annoying. So I decided that instead of trying to force myself to hear music that my tone deaf ear is not tuned into, I’ll rather find the beauty in the situation. My eyes were drawn to a long line of stationary cars all indicating that they’ll be turning left. The on and off flickering of these bright orange lights was something to marvel at. Especially when you drown out all the noise around you. And before I knew it I was directing a music video in my head using the flickering of indicators. I even pictured hip hop dancers busting their tightest moves on the bonnets of these cars. Call it an over-active imagination, I call it beauty.

Human beings are attracted to beauty. I’m not referring to the reason why the prettiest girl in school tends to receive more attention than an average looking girl. I’m referring to the beauty that’s present in non-human things. Beauty is the reason you do your happy dance when the stiletto you’ve been eyeing is finally on sale. It’s why people travel to exotic destinations and find themselves lost in translation when seeing a view so breathtaking, that their words won’t even do it justice. For those of you for whom travel is only a dream, there is hope. Beauty lies everywhere.

 I’ve found beauty in the ocean, to the extent that when I visit the sea and marvel at the majestic waves I believe that experience is the equivalent of a session at therapy. The ocean has always been my therapist. I guess some things need to be experienced to be appreciated. I’ve found beauty in the innocent minds of young children that are so eager to learn new things. I’ve found beauty in a smile from a stranger in passing and since I am from Cape Town, I have found beauty in a plate of food that just fills one with happiness. I’ve found beauty in a golf course. Not in the gentlemen playing the beautiful game, but in the rolling hills of green grass. The difference in shades of hue between the rough, the fairways and the green. Sport possesses a beauty that can really only be felt by those that know and love the game. Watching players achieve milestones and break records makes the ordinary person believe that they too can accomplish something great. Sport possesses such an immense beauty that it’s united countries and different races. Come to think of it, beauty does not even do it justice. It’s powerful, it carries the ability to move people.

So the next time you think of complaining that you have to take your Granny to the shop, rather focus on the beauty of her conversation. It holds years of wisdom, something that you can only benefit from.

My wish for you is that you find extraordinary beauty in the most ordinary things. There’s always a silver lining. Find it.

Happiness is a choice

 

 

So I’ve been doing some thinking. Okay, a lot of thinking. But these thoughts find me, I don’t consciously go out looking for clever things to think. By observation of the people that I’ve interacted with in my 22 years on this beautiful planet and the status updates of my Facebook friends, I’ve come to realise a few things. People working a Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm job, mostly spend their day waiting for 5pm to approach and spend their week waiting for Friday to arrive. Which leaves me with a burdening question- Is this the life God intended for you to live?

 

The way I see it, there are only 2 options. You can either go through life merely trying to survive or you can attempt an exhilirating journey of going through life trying to be successful.

 

With most of my friends graduating and entering the job market, I was initially happy for them. They’ll be receiving a salary, medical aid, pension fund and many other perks such as staff discount and first option on sample sale items. Then I delved further.  Upon speaking to them over the past few months, their complaints were on the increase. Their tiredness escalated and surprisingly they ended up having less money than they had when they were students, as they incurred debts and unneccesary expenditure along the way. Somehow, I was relieved that I’m still a student living on a student budget. Even though my eyes pop when walking past Jimmy Choo and I’m transcended into a world where anything is possible when an Audi R8 drives past me, I know that my turn will come. And I highly doubt that my turn will be brought about from a 9am-5pm work routine. And even though my newly employed friends earn money, I believe I’m richer than them. Simply because my mind is being stimulated daily by new things and experiences. I have the time to research successful people and learn from them. I have the time to meet and listen to new people. I’m in an environment where intelligent people are in abundance and where dreams are encouraged and pursued. So for now, I’m making an intellectual investment into my future.

 

It may sound harsh but it seems like going to an office to work 8 hours a day, is the same as going to a place where dreams die. Where ideas of success get replaced by ”How many more years do I have to work here before I can afford to buy my own home?”  The thing is, that’s what life consists of. Years. Do you really want to waste years of your life in an unhappy working environment where all you’re doing is maximising the wealth of your company’s boss and shareholders, instead of your own?

 

A lot of this is attributable to security, stability and being so heavily submerged in a comfort zone that you can hardly even fathom stepping out of it. I dare you to. I dare you to take a risk. To pursue something that makes you feel alive. Scared? Even better! Pursue those things that make you afraid. The thrill alone will drive you beyond the borders of success.

 

And for those that have failed, this may be one of the best things that can ever happen to you. I speak from personal experience. I tried my absolute best at Financial Accounting last year. I dedicated the entire month of October just to that subject. I did every question, read all the explanations, and still I fell short. So how does one recover from a failure after giving it your best shot? You snap out of the depression and accept that your time was not now. Accept that God has a better plan for you, and even though your timing does not agree with His, you pick yourself up, sharpen your sword and start the noble fight again.

 

 The biggest consolation for me was realising that Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg were all drop-outs. Names that the world knows and respects, failed. Names that have created mass wealth, failed. Names that have fulfilled their corporate social responsibility and practise extensive philanthropy, failed. If they just accepted their failure, the world would not have the privilege of Apple products, the beauty of Microsoft or the unlimited social networking that Facebook allows. Giving up is the easiest option, perseverance takes guts.

 

Make the choice, be happy!

 

It would be appropriate to end off my first blog post with an extract from the speech Steve Jobs gave at the Stanford University graduation ceremony in 2005, ”Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”